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hindsight (2 0 2 0 / 1)

by Matt Jasper

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1.
Where Did I Go Wrong 02:02
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I woke up in a daze from the late night worry Would it be the same or was it all a joke Now everyone is crazed and the truth's alarming Fighting back the tears as I spoke Where did I go? Where did I go wrong? I walk inside a haze of confusion lately Will I be okay, will I find myself? Now I feel ashamed about getting angry Should I play the hand that I was dealt? Where did I go? Where did I go wrong? Take the past for what it's worth And the present, how absurb But the future we shall see
2.
Commitment 04:09
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Sometimes I doubt my commitment to my emotions But I'm not giving them up Even with my intentions and my apprehensions You're the one that I want Next to me while I'm falling asleep and I love you, I think Nobody wants nobody home Nobody wants to be alone I want somebody to sing me to sleep Will it be you, or me? Sometimes I doubt my commitment to my emotions But they won't go away Even with my digressions and my repression You're the one that I want By my side when I'm tired and I love you, I think Nobody wants nobody home Nobody wants to be alone I want somebody to sing me to sleep Will it be you, or me? Sometimes I doubt my commitment to my emotions But I should listen to them Even with analyzation, it's my explanations You're the one that I want in my head when I'm going to bed and I love you, I think Nobody wants nobody home Nobody wants to be alone I want somebody to sing me to sleep Will it be you, or me?
3.
Words In Sand 03:16
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Destiny was focused, writing in the sand Destiny was lying by the lifeguard stand I looked at what she'd written and understood why She looked up at the sky Destiny wrote single words, soaked in regret Soon I responded don't lose hope yet Every word has meaning, look through the names There's everything to gain Destiny was calling don't worry about fate It's not too late, it's not too late Have all these restrictions, look to escape It's not too late, it's not too late Looking for the answers, sometimes have to wait It's not too late, it's not too late The words in sand, the crashing of waves It's not too late, it's not too late Destiny was talking talking through the sane I tried so hard to understand Once they were written, they were pushed away Forever erased Destiny was calling don't worry about fate It's not too late, it's not too late Have all these restrictions, look to escape It's not too late, it's not too late Looking for the answers, sometimes have to wait It's not too late, it's not too late The words in sand, the crashing of waves It's not too late, it's not too late
4.
For 05:44
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Sometimes it hurts so bad to be with someone who makes you sad and I don't want that to happen to me Sometimes it just happens, when you're with her she don't demand, I feel I want her to depend on me Time to remind her that I'm still here and the things we fear will vanish Time to remind her not to get scared and go somewhere and panic The things I'll say when it comes Monday will clear the grey surrounding The things we'll do after we get through my talk with you is astounding Not to say that I just want you for Not to say that I will choose for Not to say what I'm willing to lose for Not to say what I won't do for you Cause everything I do, I do it all for you this way All I need to do is find the words to say Sometimes I just don't know about the way I let my feelings show I just want someone to grow old with me Sometimes I think it's true and I know exactly what to do But when the time comes the words can't come out of me Time to remind myself of what to do discreetly Time to remind myself what will ensue when committing to you completely The things I'll say when it comes Monday will evaporate all tear drops If I can say what I mean to say without getting stuck Not to say that I just want you for Not to say that I will choose for Not to say what I'm willing to lose for Not to say what I won't do for you Since everything I do, I do it all for you this way All I need to do is find the words to say Everything I do, I do it all for you this way All I need to do is find the words to say I want to be with you past the break of dawn I want to be with you in the early morn I want to be with you come high noon I want to be with you in the afternoon I want to be with you til evening comes I want to be with you til the setting of the sun All the time in the day All the space in the night From when I wake up Til I turn out the light You're the song in my head You're the socks on my feet You're the one that I need Now that I am complete
5.
Other Plans 02:13
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I like to sleep in on the weekends It makes up for waking up at seven AM But when the phone pings at eight fifteen, I can't fall asleep again Sometimes life has other plans Sometimes life has other plans Friday night I met a girl named Mary Ellen She rents a place at a good rate in Brooklyn But will I think of Mary Ellen, when I sing about Maryann Sometimes life has other plans Sometimes life has other plans I know a girl who lives at home, so she can go traveling She showed me pictures of her in a far off land We're almost at the point where we can hold hands Sometimes she has other plans Sometimes she has other plans
6.
Like a Brother 02:36
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On the train ride home we were alone We talked for a bit then slept on it We were so close I thought we could make it I knew the response I just couldn't take it Cause I'm everybody's friend and nobody's lover Every girl I know treats me like a brother Which is sad, I get low, but not that kind I take too much time, in falling in love Almost everyday we spend this way We've been through stuff and it's been tough We had just grieved so I knew it We were too close and now we're through it Cause I'm everybody's friend and nobody's lover Every girl I know treats me like a brother Which is sad, cause I get low, but not that kind I take too much time, in falling in love I need to get to know you Before we decide what to do By the time I feel attraction, there's different interactions In spending days together, I already know whether Or not, you'd like to give it a show That's the price I pay, for living this way Cause I'm everybody's friend and nobody's lover Every girl I know treats me like a brother Which is sad, cause I get low, but not that kind I take too much time, in falling in love, love, love...
7.
What We Become 03:25
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Everything is fine today I can finally say I'm happy, I'm happy I know I can't complain I;m feeling incomplete Leave it alone and let repeat I'm happy, I'm happy Maybe then someday I'll meet You, you We'll have fun at half past one You'll come through, that's what you'll do And then from what we become We'll do, what we do, when I'm with you I can't stand to be alone Try to make it one my own I'm waiting, I'm waiting Need the number to phone You, you We'll have fun at half past one You'll come through, that's what you'll do And then from what we become We'll do, what we do, when I'm with you It's alright I guess I still can't get upset
8.
Insomnia 02:16
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I haven't been sleeping well, there's a lot on my mind But if anyone asks me, I'll tell them I'm just fine Cause there's bills to pay and grass to cut and a fence that just fell down And no one's here to help me out cause they're all out of town I've been thinking of you and I don't know what to do I try to explain it, but I know I can't contain it I toss and turn almost every night, there's things filling up my head But rather than just let them know, I give a smile instead Cause there's bills to pay and grass to cut and a fence that just fell down And no one's here to help me out cause they're all out of town I've been thinking of you and I don't know what to do I try to explain it, but I know I can't contain it I've been thinking of you and I don't know what to do I try to explain it, but I know I can't contain it Oh oh no
9.
So Alone 03:04
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Sometimes you just have to know All good things come to a close It is time to end the show And hopefully we'll grow As souls Sometimes it hurts to know Sometimes it's the worst to know The feelings that you disclose Are the feelings that we hold as souls All this time I didn't know All this time I was unwhole The phrases that I chose Made the chapters unfold So cold All this time I've been alone All this time I've lost my home Now my heart has turned to stone I'm only flesh and bone So alone And you're not coming back to me And you're not coming back to me And you're not coming back to me No you're not coming back to me
10.
I Didn't Know What To Do 02:31
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I'm sorry for the end of me and you I didn't mean to do no harm But what else was I left to do You wanted her alone I didn't know what to do I didn't know what to do with you I'm sorry for the way I shielded you I don't know how to change your words I can tell when you withdrew You were telling me that you hurt I didn't know what to do I didn't know what to do with you Now you're falling out of place There's something in the way And all I want to say is It's okay, it's okay I didn't know what to do I didn't know what to do with you Now you're falling out of place There's something in the way And all I want to say is It's okay
11.
Choose yer own 04:55
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I will write one song a day until I find out what I have to say I feel as if I have lost my voice I feel as if I have no choice I'm at the point where I can't sleep in The alarm goes off on the weekendsI stay woken up when you go to bed There's nothing to say, nothing in my head I'll choose to write, I'll choose to rhyme I'll choose to go to bed at a reasonable time I'll choose my words, I'll choose the way That I say these words that I write on the page I will choose how I spend my time I'm not on my phone not a slive to the lines That are on a screen that are swiping words That can fill the net into the ether I'll sing a song o toss into a net I will catch the hook, drop one better yet I will let this go, I will seize the day I will choose to grow, toss that fish away I'll choose to write, I'll choose to rhyme I'll choose to go to bed at a reasonable time I'll choose my words, I'll choose the way That I say these words that I write on the page
12.
Casual acquaintance friend 03:28
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I wish I could write a song just for you, But I don't know you well enough yet So any "I love you's" or "you know it's true's" Would seem clingy or make you upset So I'll let you know in a week or so, when I've made up my mind on you But if that's what I'll do then I'll have to see you again My casual acquaintance friend When I went to your house to pick you up, Your mom saw me and started to smile There's that nice Jewish Boy she's been dying for you to meet, What a charming handsome guy So I'll let her know in a week or so, when I've made up my mind on you But if that's what I'll do then I'll have to see you again My casual acquaintance friend I'm so glad you could come tonight even if you brought your crazy aunt Since it's better than if you only brought your sister, so now she can chill with your aunt So I'll let them know in a week or so, when I've made up my mind on you But if that's what I'll do then I'll have to see you again My casual acquaintance friend
13.
Chatterbox 04:16
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I knew when I met you, you had some great stories to tell But I wanted to charm you so I thought I had some as well Now I'm all used up, and it seems like you've had enough I say, say, say, what I think you want me to But I won't shut up, so I think we're almost through Why am I such a chatterbox, I only had to listen Why am I such a misanthrope, if I knew what I was missing You wouldn't be hiding away, checked out at the end of the day If I weren't such a chatterbox, you'd tell me and I'd listen I knew when I told you, you have great information I only know one thing but I'm tuned into that station At times I got glimpses, but it feels like impositions I say, say, say, what I think you want me to But I won't shut up, so I think we're almost through Why am I such a chatterbox, I only had to listen Why am I such a misanthrope, if I knew what I was missing You wouldn't be hiding away, checked out at the end of the day If I weren't such a chatterbox, you'd tell me and I'd listen I could have know everything but the punishment fits the crime It takes one to talk, and two to talk at the same time But I couldn't hear, so now you're nowhere near I say, say, say, what I think you want me to But I won't shut up, so I think we're almost through Why am I such a chatterbox, I only had to listen Why am I such a misanthrope, if I knew what I was missing You wouldn't be hiding away, checked out at the end of the day If I weren't such a chatterbox, you'd tell me and I'd listen
14.
Cascade 03:41
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I know why you feel like a failure All the things are so hard to handle One rejection's so unmanageable So it Cascades You've failed once, you should try again You've got support from all of your friends I know you need outside validations Let it Cascade Put it out there at least take the shot You can't score if you just pass it off Cause when you score I know you will get hot And Cascade Don't feel sad from one quick no Like Frozen said it's time to let it go You've done the work, it's time to show It's a snowball rolling Down the Cascade
15.
Care and Consideration 03:16
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Care and consideration are given Expenses paid for city living Couple things happen for reasons Each new change comes from decisions I promised you I'd give you shelter from elements You promised me to cook and bake so I am well fed I promised to support you in your quest for betterment You promised to leave a space where I can rest my head Care and consideration are given Expenses paid for city living Couple things happen for reasons Each new change comes from decisions I promised to keep you honest and on a steady path You promised me we'd mix it up become more adventurous I promised you I'd drive you places, I'd even pay for gas You promised me to be my friend, cause we were meant for us Care and consideration are given Expenses paid for city living Couple things happen for reasons Each new change comes from decisions
16.
Cross Country Companions 04:05
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We were cross country companions, headed north on 101 At the end of traveling, yet a new trip just begun Started out on August first, summer of eleven Skipping town from old New York haunts to start again Headed through Jersey to see my old stomping grounds Made our way to Pittsburgh, head a flat in Youngstown Caught a concert in Chicago, had a Madison grilled cheese Stayed with friends in Minneapolis, one of the Twin Cities Saw the straw poll fair in Iowa, and the Kool Aid in Hastings Camped out in the Rockies, Utah south of Great Salt Lake Spent too much time in Vegas, although only for two days Crossed Death Valley to San Diego to see my good friend Jake Played a show, drove to LA, saw Russell Brand and Ellen Page Drove winding roads to San Francisco, sand Full House and skipped town Destination Seattle, where we'd later settle down I would stay, but you'd fly away, still I'm glad you've stuck around.
17.
Comma Ampersand Exclamation Point ,&! (a Cadence) 03:56
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There's a cadence in the way that you wake in the morn There's a cadence in the way that you grumble coffee's on There's a cadence in the way that you start things at dawn There's a cadence in the way that you wake then you're gone There's a cadence in the way that you work way too hard There's a cadence in the way that you finish what you start There's a cadence in the way that you write a new part There's a cadence in the way that you walk arm in arm Comma, Ampersand, Exclamation Point Comma, Ampersand, Exclamation Point If you break when I bend then what's the point? Comma, Ampersand, Exclamation Point There's a cadence in the way that you get dressed for bed There's a cadence in the way that you stay in my head There's a cadence in the way that you choose and re-choose instead There's a cadence in the way that you keep so well read Comma, Ampersand, Exclamation Point Comma, Ampersand, Exclamation Point If you break when I bend then what's the point? Comma, Ampersand, Exclamation Point
18.
Calm before the storm 03:52
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We thought not of rebuilding, only of settled down We thought about conflict free retirement, IRAs and bank accounts We put thirty years on the mortgage, joined the board of the town A wave in the sand, repaved the land, and changed the ground It was too quiet it was too worn It was the calm before the storm A sense of pressure a rip has torn It was the calm before the storm The kids have grown up, moved up and away Figured out their own paths, they scrimp and save Youngest still in school for a scholarly way Oldest working hard for the corporate pay It was too quiet it was too worn It was the calm before the storm A sense of pressure a rip has torn It was the calm before the storm We washed up, washed out, evacuate the house Torn up, torn out, had it all figured out It was too quiet it was too worn It was the calm before the storm A sense of pressure a rip has torn It was the calm before the storm
19.
Marching in like a man 04:06
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Marching in like a lion, back out like a lamb Telling the truth like I'm lying, roundabout way that I am I'll boast through my rhyming, quiet up like a clam I'm barely even trying, earnest as a man I'm still here deciding to act on my plan Commit to more hiding, withhold from your scam I've just started writing, pandemic be damned This monthly website-ing, post songs on Bandcamp A partner in crime is a mere slight of hand A ship near capsizing, a player in a band An atom for ion, a scientists land A chemical concoction, a mere grain of sand I'm wondering why and am I getting off brand A generic expiring, a dented soup can A print work for hiring, an out of work artisan A near miss unmasking, an obtuse human Marching in like a lion, back out like a lamb Telling the truth like I'm lying, roundabout way that I am I'll boast through my rhyming, quiet up like a clam I'm barely even trying, earnest as a man
20.
Pete, & Re: Pete 03:59
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Sometimes being useless, is the most useful thing to do We all go through with it, then I suppose we're all through We're interconnected, yet we're also infected With a passion for motion, a critical notion, I suppose this'll do Sometimes uselessness, is vulnerability That's one thing you have missed, between you and me There's a helplessness when it seems out of reach We're a lot alike, I think you would agree, don't you agree? I wake up late night thinking too long, can't turn it off Was it the neighbor smoking up, or things out of control I don't think I'm paranoid, but it sounds that way to you I cannot explain myself, I'm being misconstrued, not to be rude, (redo) Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out Pete and Repeat were in a boat, who's left, you shout (and Repeat!)
21.
The endless scroll (millennial woes) 04:02
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My smartphone uploads the sepia tones That I post on Instagram While your cat is vomiting rainbows To keep your Snap streak with the fam The TikTok club in your high school Has your best friend, go viral It sure beats studying for finals Fifteen seconds is quite a while It's a long way down the rabbit hole In the face of the endless scroll They said I'm the voice of silent movies And the face of radio Now your mother is posting on Facebook And your grandmother is too When there's baby photos on Snapchat It's pretty clear that it's through It's a long way down the rabbit hole In the face of the endless scroll They said I'm the voice of silent movies And the face of radio
22.
Middle man 04:16
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He was working for a middle man He was working in middle management He was working up the middle class He was working through the middle life as it passed Then everything changed, then rearranged, then stayed the same He was working as a corporate man He was working in corporate management He was working up the corporate network path He was working through the company as heads were slashed Then everything changed, then rearranged, then stayed the same He was planning to be a family man He was planning as a family manager He was in the middle of a family plan He was planning through the middle as her news flashed Then everything changed, then rearranged, then stayed the same
23.
That he did 03:31
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Father never said he loved me, but I know that he did He said his love through actions while he kept his feelings hid He worked two separate jobs to put me through college Lifeguard at camp, the deli counter, I was privileged Daddy did, daddy did, for the love of his kids That he did, that he did, for the love of his kids Father never said he loved me, in so many words He tells us some stories about what he did before He became a father as if to prove this wasn't it He wasn't always so suburban, but he wanted kids Daddy did, daddy did, for the love of his kids That he did, that he did, for the love of his kids Father never said he loved me, still he taught me things He showed me morals, he showed me values and religion He worked in New York City, teaching English to the kids Their parents worked just as hard, but they're still hard living. Daddy did, daddy did, for the love of his kids That he did, that he did, for the love of his kids I sure was a privileged son, pass for white suburban Generational wealth built on father's selfless ones I may be squandering his handouts, but it's for my grad school debt A failed bet on independence on business talents Daddy did, daddy did, for the love of his kids That he did, that he did, for the love of his kids
24.
Sorry Carly, a gift 03:42
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I'm sorry for you Carly, but I don't want you back When you ended things it was the heart attack That I needed to hear, like a kick in the pants I'd like to let you back but I won't stand a chance I'm sorry for you Carly, but you want me back When you ended things I was a sad sack of a man, you can't understand what a rough divorce There was a pandemic on and I was headed to court I know, you know, it didn't have to be like this You know, I know that you really want kids I know, you know we're separately missed You know, I know that our time was a gift I'm sorry now Carly, I have written back I'm still ending things and that's a true slap In the face, which seems out of place with my character When you gave up on me, we both became bad actors I know, you know, it didn't have to be like this You know, I know that you really want kids I know, you know we're separately missed You know, I know that our time was a gift
25.
Swiped bags 05:47
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I've got some baggage packed, I'll leave it on the baggage rack I swear this shit's togethr, I'll unpack that whenever I'm gonna start a job, I'm pretty tidy. not a slob I'll love you forever, until we ghost or sever So I'll swipe, swipe, swipe, late at night Until I swipe, swipe, right, once we get in a fight We're through, baby you know it's you, and I don't know if it's true So we'll swipe, sparks fly, decide, and let them pass me by I've got some issues out, and that's on me, I've published them in my indie zine Conflict sells issues, heightens tension in the story I'm a self published comic artist, a sapling in a big forest Found a romantic interest, using Pinterest, but this connect's missed, Miss For Your Information So I'll swipe, swipe, swipe, late at night Until I swipe, swipe, right, once we get in a fight We're through, baby you know it's you, and I don't know if it's true So we'll swipe, sparks fly, decide, and let them pass me by I've got some baggage packed, now I'm taking flight Fly through the air on a trapeze artist weekend overnight When you're an aerealist, in an airborne pandemic, you wear a mask You get regularly tested, and you don't get too invested in your circus tent That's the aerialist artist's lament So I'll swipe, swipe, swipe, late at night Until I swipe, swipe, right, once we get in a fight We're through, baby you know it's you, and I don't know if it's true So we'll swipe, sparks fly, decide, and let them pass me by
26.
Manic pixie 04:27
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A manic pixie dream girl, what comes up must come down I was absolutely norm core, I heard that term thrown around I was saying I was straight-edge, like a straight edge razorblade Like it cuts, to the head, to the skull, to the face To the bone, to the skin, to the heart, to the rage I was intellectually eager. with a dream dashed for my fame I was narcissistically ego, with a downcast view of shame I was hopelessly romantic, wit ha blind eye towards decay Like a boat, in the rain, with a hull waterlogged Let it rot, let it crack, let it sink, let it drain An agender asexual, unapologetically queer A homophobic hero casts dispersions in the mirror A bedridden depressive, a failed business disgrace The inspiring leader, tech will be your saving grace Like a bot, like a chache, like a queue, like a snake In the dash, in the wheels, in the road, like a brake
27.
Early (Gabriel's Theme) 01:13
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You might be still in bed, or in your own head, at 5AM These thoughts could be whirling, or your dream state disturbing, at 5AM If it's Hip Hop you need, Soul or rapping, there's just one host with the most Tune to KEXP, 90.3, 5-7 weekday mornings, Early with Gabriel Teodros
28.
Hindsight 06:16
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Now that twenty twenty and one is in hindsight I can see that something else wasn't right I've been blinded, blindsided, blinded by the light For the anarchy over fake news, The disease spreading more than negative attitudes Still, just mask up, don't be rude I can combat this world in a song Make a great escape, it won't take long Before I find a place where I go, and I long to finally belong In a crest of a new tidal wave Paint a symbol on your face, a slave to the minimum wage A hundred thousand-aire in this city might as well be the same A part of the out of work technocrats Too liberal to be libertarian Self depreciate for you to appreciate my hilarity hiding my natural state I suppose hindsight's a state of mine If I look back, it's been a grand old time Although you can't deny the grief and trauma that's stacking up over all this time So after a decade long creation drought Covering songs to let it all out, The backwater swirled, and the dam burst and it all just flooded out I was still an ordinary guy Comfortable as a matter of time Time has come and gone, we've moved on, ignoring past trauma and trauma bonds

about

Happy 2s day. Here's a retrospective look back at the music put out in 2020 and 2021 on this ultimate 2 for Tuesday by Matt Jasper. Featuring the albums Catalog, Sea Sawngs and Marchin' Inn, along with the Early single.

credits

released February 22, 2022

Rerelease of a multi-album compilation. All tracks recorded 2019-2021, and originally released in 2021 as Bandcamp exclusives.

Tracks 1-10 originally released on Catalog, May 7th, 2021
Music:
Matt Jasper - vocals, guitars, bass, trombone, banjo, lyrics and music
T.K. Anomie - drums, production and backup vocals on Words in Sand
Songs written approximately between 1996 and 2002, recorded over 2019 and 2020.

Tracks 11-18 originally released on SeaSawngs, June 4th, 2021
Music:
Matt Jasper - vocals, guitars, bass, piano, trombone, banjo, production, lyrics and music
Shana Robbins - flute on Chatterbox
Songs written between 2015-2018, recorded in May of 2021.

Tracks 19-26 originally released on Marchin' Inn, March 5th, 2021
Matt Jasper - vocals, guitars, bass, trombone, banjo, production, lyrics and music
Songs written between 2019-2021, recorded in February of 2021.

Track 27 originally released as a single on September 28th, 2021
Written and recorded as a commission submission September 2021.

30+ additional cover recordings of The Cure's Disintegration, Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever ago, Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and 4 classic rock songs also recorded during this timeframe and available exclusively via Bandcamp.

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Matt Jasper Seattle, Washington

Matt Jasper plays guitar, bass guitar, banjo, ukulele, keyboards, and sings. He has written hundreds of songs, recording 5 albums between 2000-2010 and is putting together an album a month in 2021. He has performed extensively throughout Seattle, New York City, New Jersey and Long Island, with experience performing at regional tours throughout the Northeast and West Coast of the US. ... more

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